Nuclear Blast

I’ve really had it. Spider mites and aphids attacked my indoor palms and a large braided money tree four months ago. I tried everything organic to kill them, including soap spray and $80 mail order, microscopic “predatory mites” that allegedly feast on the buggers. All I got from that was a house full of corn meal — because you can’t see the things, the mites come packaged in corn meal so you can spread them around. I also tried spraying the plants with a solution of rubbing alcohol and water, from a recipe on the Internet. “It really works!” the gardening blogs exclaimed. All that did was burn the leaves. Soon after, everything keeled over and died, so I replaced them all a few weeks ago with big bushy plants from the Farmer’s Market. Again, they’re infested with mites and aphids. A few days ago, I thought I’d try something new: live ladybugs, guaranteed to keep aphids and mites under control, and be fun to boot. So, after a trip back to the Farmer’s Market, I released a package of 1,700 ladybugs onto my plants. Yes, inside. They immediately flew onto the draperies and onto the floor. Most of them died by the next morning, and the ones that didn’t are still flying randomly around. I’ve gotten sick of the whole thing, and only just got back from buying a bottle of real insecticide, the kind with a yellow warning label on it. It’s pointed at a plant right now. And I swear I’m going to use it.